Her-rrro gay broggies! Me sucky sucky 5 dolla me lab yu long time 10 dolla you pay 20 dolla i gib free roost duck!

I really wanted to haul my fat ass downtown to take new photos + videos of good ol' third world scenery and play "show and tell" but I've been bedridden for the past few days. As much as I want to concoct some sad sordid story on how I contracted some sort of illness so you can sympathise with me and send flowers, I'm gonna go ahead and confess that I've been depressed and extremely lazy as of late and in the past 48 hours, all I did was eat (BINGE AND PURGE FTW!!!), smoke a lot, watch DVDs and catch up with my Gossip Girl and Ugly Betty iTunes downloads.

Enough dilly dally. Grand tour, eh? Grand tour of my hometown? Please. Let's not kid ourselves, shall we?

As some of you already know, I live in the cesspit of the third world called Manila, Philippines. Do you know where that is? Can I see a show of hands? No? Can you point it out on the map? Anybody? No? I'm not surprised.

The only time the world's media pay attention to my neck of the woods is whenever there are stories that involve the usual political turmoils, the never-ending corruption scandals, something about overpopulation, something about the poor -- or should I say, the REALLY POOR (because I'm poor... but there are millions more in terrible conditions compared to mine so I'll call them the 'really poor') or government officials gone wild. You'll also hear something about earthquakes, something about typhoons, something about flooding and other "acts of god", something about mall blasts or something about rebel groups such as Abu Sayyaf, Jemaah Islamiyah, Chukchakchenes Chorvaloo and of course, the SamMilby Pansclub Putanginangmasa Magpakamataynakayo Bulacanchapter etc. Just kidding.

Ask any non-Filipino living entity what they know about Manila or the Philippines and chances are, they'll say something about cheap booze and cheap brown coochie, 3-inch penises, poverty, Imelda Marcos and her shoes, and of course me. HAHAHAHA! I knew I had to say that. Why? Over the years, a shitload of Filipinos outside the motherland share their endless tales how strangers from other countries ask them where they're from and when they say "the Philippines", people then ask them if they know "Bryanboy". I shit you not! There was this time a French journalist went to Manila for reasons unknown to me (yeah, the same one who got cruised on by random faggots in my other story) and got to know a few showbiz faces here. When he got back to Paris, we had a little chat and he was all like "blah blah blah random actress, yaddi yaddi yadda random actor, are not famous but you are, because nobody in France had heard of them and even my other colleagues have heard of you".

Hearing things like this makes me giddy -- not only I put myself on the map, my country gets known to the rest of the world, too. Isn't that exciting? Right from the start I've always said geography is no boundary when it comes to Bryanboy's faggotry and world domination is my ultimate goal. Haha!

Ugh. This is becoming a me-me-me post. Enough about me and more about the land of the brown, the exotic and the natives!

Anyway, IMO there really is more about Manila (and the Philippines in general) compared to usual crap you read/hear on the news and the only way to find out is to get your fat ass ovah here to see for yourself. Manila may not rank high up there with the usual tourist heavyweights (why do most Americans go to friggin Acapulco or Cancun during summer or spring break when teenage Europeans flock Asia on their gap years? Bitch. Please.)... heck, I think Bangkok is more progressive than Manila, but still... this is the city I call home and I think you should still come over for a visit. I love my city even though it's crowded and over-polluted. I love my city even though the average guy here is fucking ugly and I could go sex-less for months. I love my city even though luxury goods are more overpriced compared to the rest of the world. It's one of those blood is thicker than water things... $8 haircuts? $40 facials? $1 for a packet of marlboros? Hella there's definitely no place like home.

On that note, let's play pictionary shall we?

Instead of giving a "virtual tour" (which I already did earlier this year on a different blog), let me share to you some hilarious old random snapshots taken in various parts of my town.



















How can you **NOT** love a place where people look at **YOU** all the time??? Attention whores unite! Hahahaha! I love it!






This is what they were looking at...

BTW, don't believe that whole "Asian is skinny" bullcrap. Earlier this year, I did a little social experiment. I sat near the fountain in one of our malls.

I took random pictures of people in less than 5 minutes and and look how healthy and festively plump people here are!







And there you have it. God I love the third world, flaws, scars, anal warts and all. Just look at my shameless celebration of my personality. I bet you if you pull shit like I do in other countries you'd be lucky to come out alive!

The funny thing is that it's not unusual for people to tell me to get out of this shithole. Some people believe Manila is hopeless. I beg to differ. Folk from all walks of life often say things like I need to spread my wings and fly or how I don't deserve to be here or how I could grow more as a person if I live somewhere else. I can't even count the number of times I've had the opportunity to move elsewhere. While tens, if not hundreds of thousands of my compatriots seek greener pastures overseas year after year, for some strange reason, I've always chosen to stay here no matter what. Perhaps the right opportunity hasn't landed yet... or maybe, just maybe, in the grand scheme of things, I was really meant to be here and my purpose in life is to put the third world on the map and perhaps make a difference in my own, special little ways, right here, right now, in my own backyard.

What do you think?

My, my, my Manila!

PS. Roast duck, anyone?

PPSS. You may want to check out my friend Carlos Celdran's blog, http://celdrantours.blogspot.com. He knows Manila more than I know my way to a man's crotch. He's definitely a national treasure and he works his butt off day and night to change the way people view my lovely hometown of 14 million people. Yes!!! 14 Million rodents y'all, everyone loves bareback sex here!!! JK. :-)

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