This is it. We've come to the final round. Here's your chance to prove yourself to the Bloggies Voters. You decide the topic, the content and the message of your final entry.
Make it count, make it good, and make it the best to win!
Good luck to all 3. As for the readers, hit the thumbs!
Hello again! Craig from Puntabulous here! If you know which classic episode of a beloved TV series the title of this post is referring to, you should just skip down to the bottom of this post and click the THUMBS UP button because we're totally best friends. If not, continue reading:
Go Craig! Go!
Honey! I'm home!
Well hello Natalie Portman, my wife!
What are you doing sweetie?
I'm watching the voting tallies for the Gay Bloggies!
Um, you're a moron. And that's a MagnaDoodle.
Yeah, I know. I was gonna use the Hungry Hungry Hippos until Felice ate all the marbles.
Bad dinosaur!
Where are we anyway? This doesn't look like your shitty blog.
That's because this isn't my shitty blog. We're at the Gay Bloggies website. See?
Wow! It's like, all professional and shit. They even have sponsors! And advertisements!
I know, right? Check out that Aussiebum guy! Dayum!
How come we don't have sponsors and advertisements on our website?
Well you see...
Lights please...
I think blogging should be about sharing your thoughts with the world. Trying to get people to laugh, even if no one thinks you're all that funny. Informing them of what's happening on our planet that has no other way of reaching their lives. Teaching them something new, whether it's a new word or life experience they may never have to endure. Letting people know that they're not alone. Or brightening their day, even if it's just a little bit. It shouldn't be about making money, or corporate sponsors, or selling T-shirts.
Are you sure it's not because no one wants to sponsor your crappy website?
Well duh, that too, but I still think all that other shit I said is true.
And you aren't savvy enough to get sponsors or computer literate enough to add advertisements.
Okay! Okay! I get it!
And you're ugly!
Well folks, I guess that's all from me at the Gay Bloggies. It's been a blast! I hope you've enjoyed reading my entries as much as I've enjoyed sharing them with you. It's been an honor to be included in this fierce (both in the cougar and the Tyra meaning of the word) competition and to have made it this far. Remember, a vote for me is a vote for the little guy!
Throughout the Gay Bloggies competition, we have all been up against blogs very different from our own and have received support (and criticism) from an equally diverse group of fans. If anything, we all represent a few tiny points on the beautiful rainbow spectrum of Gayness.
But what does "Gayness" mean anyway? Let's study the evidence.
Gayness is... Star Quality (real or imagined):
Gayness is... Nude Opera:
Gayness is... "Retarded" (according to Apostle Delphine Thomas, a "prophetess chosen and ordained by God"):
Gayness is... Sean Connery in this photo:
Gayness is... Cute, Cuddly, and Pervy all at the same time:
Gayness is... Prayer (it didn't work for Ted Haggard... Or arguably it did):
Gayness is... Hilarious (as evidenced by these frat boys dancing around in thongs laughing at the funniness of it all):
Gayness is you and me. It's all of us. I hate to get too introspective, but competing against this particular group of guys for this competition made me realize that there are many gay universes outside of !! omg blog !!. They may baffle and frustrate me at times, but together we all make up the Grand Gay Matrix for better or for worse.
And there is one undeniable fact that links us all together.
Gayness Is... Remixing Aaron Carter's cock:
It's been real, everyone! I hate to say "goodbye" in case there is a surprise Round 13, so I'll say "happy holidays" instead with the music video for supermodel Heidi Klum's Christmas song "Wonderland."
If Gayness is anything, it's Heidi Klum blowing gold dust kisses from a CGI horse and carriage:
I made it to the finals in the Gay Bloggies. I'm so excited. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!
This week marks the 10th anniversary of blogs and from the looks of the entries in this contest alone, the future is brighter than ever. You've come a long way gay baby.
Way back in 1997, a hairy bear, Jorn Barger, editor of the first weblog, Robot Wisdom coined the term "weblog" to describe his process of "logging the web." He still thinks the best blogs to this day are those which look outward and link to sites of interest rather than focus on their own opinions. I don't necessarily agree with his opinion on other people's opinions, especially when it comes to gay blogs.
It's fun to get in someone's head for a little while each day. When you live outside the dominant paradigm like gays do you need something to relate to. That's part of the reason why gay blogs are among the most popular. People want that intimacy.
For gay people, blogs of a personal nature are vital to our sense of well-being. We need to hear each others opinions because for so long our opinions have been silenced. Many gay people still live in parts of the world where they have little access to any gay community.
Sharing your ideas, stories and opinions online is liberation baby! We may have a long ways to go but now we have the tools to get there. Oh, and the porn isn't too bad either.
For the first time in modern history we're entertaining and informing each other directly, one on one. The collective knowledge of our oral and written histories has a powerful impact on young people today. They get to grow up knowing full well the good, the bad and the ugly (and the beautiful) side of the gay experience.
Who is the real winner in the gay bloggies? Everybody! We all win because we are all here exchanging our thoughts and ideas about what it is to be gay, and that is going to make a difference for a long time to come.
For this last challenge I decided to ask once again the listeners of my talk show, Feast of Fools what are some of the questions they're always asking. Questions about me, podcasting, life, love and the nature of the universe.
Listen to my final Gay Bloggies BONUS podcast, joined by my partner Marc Felion as we try to answer as many questions as we can from you.
Click here to download the audio mp3 file (and play on your iPod.)
To subscribe to the Feast of Fools podcast for free using iTunes, click here.
Featured Music:
• Reuben Butchart - Golden Boy: iTunes | CD Baby | Amazon
• Chris Garneau - Music for Tourists: iTunes | Amazon | Site
The music featured on today's show is by two fabulously cute, sexy and openly gay musicians, Chris Garneau and Reuben Butchart. I had the pleasure of interviewing both of them on our talk show, and even had Chris come over to the home studio to play "The Island" a new song from his upcoming album. Here is a link to the video, and to my audio interview with him. Isn't he just adorable? Chris is just as kind, gentle and thoughtful in person as he is in his music. Having him in the home studio playing live was quite an experience for all of us. His songs and his voice carry an emotional strength to them, a wonderful simplicity that references old world lullabies and drinking songs.
Here are some of the questions we tried to answer. Got any more? Post them below and I'll try to answer them in the comments area.
Here are some questions answered:
Are your hair and eyes really blue?
Yes. It's not contacts. Part of my hair really is blue, but I have to make that happen. For the past three years, I've been bleaching out my hair and then putting in blue dye in to create the effect. But, I'm not alone in doing this. A good idea is a good idea.
HELPFUL LINK: Blue Haired Fans Gallery
Is Fausto Fernós your REAL name?
Yes, again! My mother named me after the title character in Goethe's book Fausto (translated into Spanish from Faust). The name comes from the German word "fust" which can mean victory, first or fist. My last name Fernós comes from the old Spanish word "fornos" which literally means ovens, to work with fire. I used to have the nickname "Johnny Storm" because I ate fire at the beginning of every live Feast of Fools show. Flame on!
HELPFUL LINK: How to eat fire.
Favorite movie quote?
"Don't f*ck with me fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo." - Faye Dunway as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest. What a wonderfully insane film. Every time I get mad about something, I channel Faye Dunaway's indignant rage as Joan Crawford and then I don't feel so bad!
HELPFUL LINK: Mommie Dearest Mix
Why do you work so hard?
I bust my ass because I love what I do. When I was a kid I used to draw pictures of myself hosting my own talk show. I don't just see what I do as a job, I see it as a vocation. Plus, from time to time I get to talk to some really hot men. If my microphone could talk.
HELPFUL LINK: Podcasting: Do It Yourself Guide
Why can't I stop thinking about Britney Spears?
Because celebrities are beautiful, talented and fabulous people. It's not all hype. But why are we all gawking at some hillbilly pop-star as she stumbles around the stage? Because we like to see the tragedy unfold. Watching people like Brtiney crash and burn is our modern day morality story, it's our Shakespeare. Eek! She once was pretty and now she's a mess, but we still love her music. Record companies invest millions of dollars into these people's careers and they want to see a return on their investment. They don't always get it back. That's part of the reason why record companies are in such terrible shape these days, they hired a bunch of pretty on the outside but ultimately awkward people to sell records and they messed it up. Nobody bought Michael Jacksons's last album and Sony lost out. Everyone's buying Britney Spears latest album and so the beat goes on...
HELPFUL LINK: Britney's infamous "Gimme More" at the VMA's
How do I get my music played on your show?
There are currently around 13,000 radio stations in the U.S. which have ALL the music in the world to chose from and record labels spend millions of dollars every year to promote their music to these stations. Are they getting their money's worth? I don't know, but as you can imagine, it's not very easy to get your music played there. There are an estimated 36,000 podcasts currently listed currently on the iTunes Music store, and I would guess the number to be around 20,000 or so programs which regularly put out shows. If I were a musician who had a CD out and wanted people to listen to it, I would send a nice fruit basket to every podcast on the iTunes top 100 that plays music on their shows and bug them to play my songs. We're always looking for fabulous new music to feature on our show.
HELPFUL LINK: Feast of Fools Music Release Forms
What should I put in my blog, podcast or videos?
Put something that you find interesting! If you're into what you're doing, others will pick up on your joy and want to share in the fun. All the contestants here have a common passion for what they do. We all struggle, so please be kind in what you say on the internet. Unnecessarily trashing someone on the internet just because you can brings down everyone.
HELPFUL LINK: Manifest Your Potential
What's a secret to making a good video?
I don't really know, as I'm still learning to do it myself, but please don't be afraid to try it! Good audio and lighting can go a long way to making you look and sound flawless! A nice cheap idea is to use nylon Chinese lanterns for lighting yourself in the video. They cost next to nothing, and you can just stick in a really high wattage bulb in there. It's what I used to light myself for the "XXX-Mas Karaoke Medley" video.
HELPFUL LINK: Nylon Chinese Lanterns
If you had three wishes, what would it be?
One of those wishes would be for a whole cable channel that played nothing but "Planet Unicorn" cartoons. Come on Shannon, only five videos? Give it up for Feathers, Cadillac and Tom Cruise! They were so good, and you can plainly see from the public response that we're hungry for more. Gimme, gimme more. With all the pain and suffering in the world today, sometimes all we need to forget our troubles is a whimsical cartoon about a crudely drawn gay boy and his planet full of sassy gay unicorns.
HELPFUL LINK: Planet Unicorn
Why even bother?
There is always someone smarter, sexier and funnier than you, but there probably is also someone meaner, uglier and dumber than you. Don't get intimidated. I hope that our collective experience in the Gay Bloggies leaves all the visitors to the site hungry for more and go off on their own to create rich internet experiences. One great thing we have is our own community forums where we encourage people from all backgrounds to post their stories, ideas, videos, music and jokes. That part of the site is my pride and joy. Please post your stuff there.
HELPFUL LINK: Feast of Fools Community
Why is there pain and suffering in the world?
Because it makes sunshine, rainbows and lollipops all that more special. Maybe Buddists [updated link] have something going on with the idea that "desire is the source of all pain and suffering." We spend so much time being bombarded with ads trying to brainwash us into wanting some shitty underarm deodorant or new cola drink we forget to love ourselves and each other.
HELPFUL LINK: LOLcats Blog - I Can Has Cheezburger?
I want to thank the little dog Toby, Aussie Bum and all the sponsors for the opportunity to take part in the Gay Bloggies and allow me to express myself to a new and fabulous audience. I hope I win the top prize! As Liberace used to say at the end of his concerts, don't say goodbye, say "ciao!"
To subscribe to the Feast of Fools podcast for free using iTunes, click here.
