Settle down kids, I'm going to tell you a story. It's not for the faint of heart, so I'll understand if you need leave halfway through. (But if you have to leave, at least go down to the bottom of this post and vote thumbs up for me first.) I also recommend having a box of tissues handy. No, it's not that kind of story. Sheesh. Perverts.
SETTING: Work
TIME: Random Morning in 2007
PLACE: Elevator
STORY: So I got on the elevator at the Lobby level. There was already a coworker on there with one of his clients, who came up from the Lower Lobby. Me and this coworker never really got along. People like me. People like him. But for whatever reason, we never meshed. We would often bust each others balls for no other reason than because we had nothing else to say to each other.
This time, we were making fun of each other's hometowns. He was making fun of Long Island and I was making fun of Connecticut. Lame, I know, but this is how idiotic our working relationship was. We stopped at the 14th floor where he and his client were going to get off while I was going to continue up to the 18th floor.
As the doors closed, I heard him say to his client: "And in Connecticut we don't have any fags."
Yup. He said it. And as the doors were closing no less. Loud enough so I could hear, but not to my face, and not in a way that would allow me to defend myself. I knew he was going to a meeting, so calling him wouldn't work, so when I got to my desk I e-mailed him and asked him if he said what I thought he said. I never got a response and from that point on he started looking away when we passed each other in the hall.
MORAL:
He's a DICK for saying it.
He's a PUSSY for not owning up to it.
He's a DICK and a PUSSY so he should just FUCK HIMSELF.
So why is this my most important moment of 2007? Because it taught me some very important lessons:
1. There really are gay people in Connecticut. Really! I googled it just to make sure!
2. No matter how nice (and adorkable) I am, people are still bigots.
3. I'm fairly awesome and if people don't like me, it's because of reasons outside my control. (You know, because of that whole Nature vs. Nurture thing.)
PREDICTION FOR 2008: My coworker will be found tapping his foot in a shady public bathroom.
ok, forget what i said about the a-team vid; i'm back to wanting to bone you as much as i used to.
It makes me cry that someone wouldn't appreciate you in all your adorkableness. :-(
Okay, I'm going to give you a thumbs up but it would have been a more enthusiastic thumbs up if you had gotten him fired. I don't know where you work but I would hope it has a no tolerance policy toward that sort of thing.
That's disgusting! You should have gone to your superiors and told them. There is enough of that everywhere else; we don't need it in workplaces. But yes, you are awesome.
That is one f'ed up story. That sucks. You almost had my vote but then you had to bash on Senator Craig, I may not like him politically (or at all) but I've got to stick with my Idaho homies. The whole Craig thing is getting really annoying for us Idahoans.
I'm from Idaho, too, and I'm sorry: he deserves all the humiliation for his hypocrisy that can be given to him.
Aside from that: rooting for ya, big guy! And your purple argyle, too! Good post, too.
Good post Craig, yes you are adorkable and you should have gotten him fired and it's not your fault that Sen Craig is the laughingstock of the country or that bigoted asshole republicans are more likely to be found cruising restrooms than anything else. (it's not your fault I comment in run-on sentences either) :)
Thumbs up from a Connecticut fag.
Re: "You almost had my vote but then you had to bash on Senator Craig, I may not like him politically (or at all) but I've got to stick with my Idaho homies."
OMG, how retarded.
Sorry, thumbs down. The whole situation sucks, but I'm not going to be upbeat about the blog entry, just because of that. I hate that you resort to name-calling him back.........He's a DICK and a PUSSY so he should just FUCK HIMSELF. That's just a cheap shot.
I agree that it would have been nice if you could have got something back on him for that. I had a guy call me a faggot last year when I was just doing my job. It got logged and it turned out he was applying to live in the residence where I worked. Strangely enough he didn't get the place. Is unfortunate that behaviour like that still exists and is very often dismissed by people as simple banter. Glad you had the courage to confront him about it, and yes, if people are that ridiculously bigotted they really should just go f**k themselves. I take heart from the fact that their position is untenable. To paraphrase (not quite sure who), 'There's a fag born every minute, it's like magic.'
Still swooning at your adorkableness.
The doors were closing, so you didn't get to hear the whole remark. I was getting a blowjob from the 14th Fl. copyboy, and overheard the whole thing. It went like this:
"And in Connecticut we don't have fags... during the summer months, because EVERYONE is in P-town, but we both know how tired THAT scene is, Mary. I swear, I'll be in Palm Springs from now on. And did you see that adorkable thang in the lift with us? I'll be wearing him as a face mask next summer, or my name isn't Dwight Babcock."
See, it wasn't that bad. Thumbs up (from this and every other IP Address I can get to!)
sweetie, I've been enjoying your entries, but this one was anticlimactic and a bit pathetic. Why didn't you do something about this guy's remark? The whole situation sounds too high school...
I HAVE A SOLUTION!
www.mailpoop.com
Send him a present!
You are gay?
Meh. I am used to being a "fag" in the suburbs of Dallas. Here you have to learn to trash talk back but not go so far as to get "hate crimed."
Although I love the inductive reasoning you displayed.
Thumbs UP!
Funny :)
Prick! pussy! fuck! I'm getting hot and bothered by all these naughty words.
i came on to the bloggies for bryanboy, but over the last few weeks i've only been coming on here for you. love fom your new reader in the uk!
Hi Fausto
Thanks for sharing this wonderful and moving story
I discovered your Feast of Fools by accident and absolutely love it. I listen everyday on the ipod travelling on the train to work
keep up the good work
Happy Holidays
Phil
Wow. Hearing about anything like that is horrible enough but having it happen to my own cousin?! Mom & I REALLY want to run this guy over with the cool bus. Does he still work there? He seriously needs to have his physical self as flat as his obvious mental self. Hope you know that -people like that (ignorant/stupid/flat view) will never have your intelligent, wit and capability to bring imagination and beauty into the world. But please let us bring the cool bus, please, huh, please?!