Gay Bloggies

2007 held a number of important moments for me. Most of them were happy, some were not. I lead a fairly full life, though certainly the most robust moments weren't always the best and certainly not the most important. It is hard to take a stock of the past 500,000+ moments and pick just one.

This year I traveled. A lot! Many of those trips were important to me. Building connections, seeing new places, experiencing different parts of this great planet we live on.

I got a promotion this year. I am somewhat defined by my work. Any of my friends can tell you that. I work way too much, and I take it very seriously.

I had significant changes in my family. My grandmother died. This was a pivotal moment for me. And it is hard to think of it as not being the most important moment, as she raised me and was certainly my closest confidant and most loyal friend, and even fan. She is one of the only people in my life who I felt really loved me unconditionally.

Early in 2007 I had my 30th birthday. Much carousing. Great friends around. All the usual birthday pomp. But birthdays are what they are. A celebration of making it this far. A toast it making it twice as long.

I suppose what i would put down as the most important moment was something that happened that was much bigger than any of these singular areas, though is colored by all of them. At some point in the past year, some singular moment, something clicked and for the first time in 30 years I truly felt like a man.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't felt all girly or anything. I just haven't always loved or accepted what it means to be a man, versus being a guy, or a dude, or a boy.

I see many things from such a different place now. Where I used to find only black and white I can now see shades of gray. My capacity for understanding, my desire to be understood, my willingness to absorb as much as I can have all increased.

My capacity for love, to love, to be loved and to love myself have increased too, and that last part is SO IMPORTANT because my body continues to change. I am hairier each day. I feel some of the aches and pains that just 5 years ago I would have mocked some of my older friends for. I sleep a lot. I need a good, strong shot of espresso to get me going in the morning. I can't party all night, or at least not as often. I am having to work out harder than before to fight back the tummy fat. And speaking of shade of gray- have you seen my sideburns!?

Oh, boy! That photo is a hot mess! But it is all good! I love it! It is real and real is great! Now... am I just going to give-up and get frumpy? FUCK NO! 30 is the new 20, and apparently the 20-somethings have gotten the memo! I have lots of young guys after me! Heck, I have gone on a few dates with a 19-year old! WTF? Nothing like dippin' your stick into the fountain of youth. OMG I JUST TYPED THAT!

And while it's not so sexy to realize that you have to retire body-shots of tequila in favor of flu shots, I realize that growing up, becoming a man was not only inevitable, it was necessary.

So there it is. My most important moment of 2007. The moment I let go of the trappings of the bullshit vanity of youth and decided to love the man I am becoming.

Gray hairs and all.

p.s. These photos are part of my exploration of what it means to love the body I own. Lemme know what you think.